Is My Grief Normal?
“I miss him so much. I am sad, and sometimes I don’t even know what I am feeling. I am not sure if I should be crying more. I want to talk about him, and sometimes I don't. I am not really sleeping well. I find myself caring about everyone and trying to make sure they are okay, but no one asks how I am doing. Is he really gone? I am doing very well at work. It's been several months since he died, but I keep thinking he can't be gone. Could I have done more?”
Is This Normal?
No two people grieve the same way. There isn't one normal way to grieve. We often grieve as we loved. The strength and depth of the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the death, societal expectations, culture, and many other factors can affect how we grieve. Our grief is as unique as our fingerprints.
Research following bereaved adults over time also shows that grief does not follow one single course.
We often hear that time heals grief. I am not sure that is the best way to describe what happens. Grief changes with time. Sometimes it feels as though it just happened. At other times, grief fades into the background.
And then you may wonder if it is okay to laugh, have fun and enjoy life again.
Grieving and living life are not mutually exclusive. You can miss your loved one and still enjoy a good meal and a deep belly laugh.
Tears are not a measurement of grief. Some people cry often. Some rarely cry. Neither tells us how much someone loved or how deeply they are grieving.
Birthdays, holidays, death anniversaries, and other meaningful occasions may feel especially difficult. Grief may suddenly feel fresh again.
Grief changes as we live our lives. The relationship with the person who died remains part of our story, even as we continue to live, love, work, laugh, and create new connections. Research on continuing bonds after bereavement supports the idea that our relationship with someone who has died can continue in different ways, including through memories, meaning, identity, and an ongoing inner connection.
Continuing to live does not mean forgetting the person we loved.
So yes, your grief is normal, and it’s your grief. It’s okay to cry or not cry, to be sad when you feel sad. It’s okay to talk about your loved one with people who will listen.
Grief Therapy
If grief has been difficult and challenging for you, therapy can provide a place to talk about the person who died, your relationship with them, and how their death is affecting your life.
I provide online grief therapy for adults in California and Nebraska.
Other Grief Resources
Kara Grief Support Grief support for adults, children, teens, and families in the San Francisco Bay Area, including individual and group peer support and grief-related therapy.
What’s Your Grief Grief education, articles, and practical resources for people who are grieving and those who support them.
References
Eisma, M. C., van Rhee, L., Gast, J. A., & Lenferink, L. I. M. (2026). Trajectories of grief following bereavement: A systematic review. Anxiety, Stress, & Coping. https://doi.org/10.1080/10615806.2026.2705416
Hewson, H., Galbraith, N., Jones, C., & Heath, G. (2024). The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review. Death Studies, 48(10), 1001–1014. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2023.2223593